A wedding invitation, especially your first one, can bring with it a lot of confusion and questions. What should you wear? What should you wear? The most confusing part is: What do you do with your wedding gifts? The whole area of wedding gift and registry etiquette has its own category of uncertainty. It covers everything from the amount to spend to the length of time it takes to send a gift. We have the answers to all your most common questions about wedding gift etiquette and wedding gift ideas so you won’t be confused again.
1. Is it necessary to buy them something from their register?
It is perfectly acceptable to give them something that they haven’t registered for. Jodi R. R. Smith of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting says that registry items are merely suggestions and not binding obligations. The wedding registry is intended to serve as a guideline for what the couple needs and wants. It’s there to help. It’s a good idea, if you’re thinking of buying something else, to look at the registry.
2. If I don’t RSVP to the wedding, do I still need to send a gift?
Although it is not required to send a gift if the couple declines a wedding invitation, it’s a nice gesture. Be mindful of your relationship with the couple as well as your budget. It’s okay to send a card of congratulations to the couple if you aren’t very close (or maybe you aren’t going because your relationship with them isn’t that great). You will want to send something if you are very close to the couple.
3. What is the “due date” for the wedding gift?
Smith states that gifts should be sent to the couple at least two weeks prior to the wedding. It is acceptable to send a gift for up to one year after your wedding. It’s best to buy the gift immediately if you do end up purchasing it after the wedding. Smith warns that if you don’t do so, you will likely procrastinate, forget, and then wonder five years later why your friends aren’t still friends.
4. The couple is signing up for cash. I feel awkward giving it.
There are so many registry options available these days, including cash registries, honeymoon funds and experiential gifts. There is no wrong gift, especially if it’s the couple they are asking for. You should choose the gift that you feel comfortable giving and what they will love.
“Cash is not my favorite gift, because there’s no right amount to give,” Rebecca Black, founder and CEO of Etiquette Now, an organization that teaches etiquette workshops, says. A couple may find a certain amount generous, but another couple might find it lacking. You don’t have to give cash if you aren’t comfortable giving it. Instead, gift certificates can be purchased at the store where the couple is registered.
5. The couple registered very early. Is it OK to purchase holiday and birthday gifts from the registry?
Yes. Mark Kingsdorf, master bridal consultant at The Queen of Hearts, said that buying gifts for other holidays through the wedding registry ensures that the couple receives everything they need. Many stores allow couples to keep a wedding registry open for many years.
6. The couple registered for less gifts than the number invited guests. What should I do next?
“Couples sometimes view their wedding as a chance to get everything on their gee-I-want-that-so-badly list,” says Black, meaning they limit the items to make sure they receive them all. Some couples do this in exchange for gifts, while others do it to earn money. This means your options are unlimited, regardless of motive. Not to be confused with quirky, it’s still a smart idea to pick something traditional.
7. I am not able to afford the registry options. What can I do?
You don’t have to purchase from the list. Give a thoughtful gift that fits within your budget. Black says that a framed needlepoint photo of my wedding invitation is one of my favourite wedding gifts. You can also get them something that they didn’t sign up for but is compatible with the items they have already signed up for like the tableware. Smith advises that they should purchase the matching pattern serving utensils and salt and pepper shakers or sugar bowls and creamers. Many couples don’t realize or forget that they will need these items until they are serving guests.
8. Is there a set price range that guests should spend on their accommodations?
Smith states that there is no right or wrong amount to spend on gifts for wedding guests, even best friends. And no one is obliged to give any particular type of gift. The old belief that the guest should pay the cost of the reception meal is still true. Smith says, “Another way of thinking myth.” Your relationship and your budget should guide your choice. You can use this guideline to help you think about it: £50-£75 for coworkers, acquaintances, distant relatives; £75-£150 if you are a close friend or relative; £150+ for your very closest loved ones (all dependent on your budget).
9. If I am already spending a lot on my wedding, do I still need to buy a registry gift?
Here’s a little secret: The truth is that no one has to buy a wedding gift. Although it is not necessary, it is a nice gesture and expected. Smith says that etiquette is all about planning ahead. You should make a list of all upcoming expenses, including the shower, bachelorette party and dress, as well as transportation, lodging, and budget accordingly. Smith suggests that you give at least a few gifts, even if your budget is limited. This could include a book of love poetry, a bottle of bubbles, or a picture frame.
10. Are gifts required for the shower as well as the wedding?
Yes. Kingsdorf states that this is part of the agreement you made when you RSVPd for both events. To help reduce the cost, consider bringing a group gift along with other guests who are in the same situation.
11. You registered them for a product at a lower price at another retailer. Is it okay to send that one to them?
Black suggests that there is no reason to not try to save money. It is important to ship the item well in advance of the wedding so that the couple can remove it from their registry.
12. If the address is not listed on the invitation, or on the website, what’s the best way of finding out the location of the bride and groom?
Ask! Smith states that it is perfectly acceptable to reach out directly to the couple or to other members of the wedding party or the parents. A quick search for the names of the couple on the most popular wedding registry sites is also possible.
13. Is it okay to share an expensive item with friends?
Definitely. Smith warns that group gifts can become sticky so be careful. It can become more complicated the more people are involved. It is important to decide upfront whether everyone contributes the same amount and, if so, how the price tag will be divided. Also, determine who is buying the gift.
14. Registry gifts feel impersonal. What can be done to make registry gifts more personal?
It all comes down to the message on the card. Smith suggests saying, “Congratulations for your wedding!” if you purchased a vase. This vase should be filled with flowers for special occasions and occasionally just because.